and...... done.

In less than 4 hours, I will no longer be an employee of my current employer. Not for lack of trying, but rather because they cannot afford a full time IT Administrator.

You know how when people hear bad news as it affects them, that supposedly they go through phases, ie FEAR, DENIAL, ANGER, ACCEPTANCE, etc, etc... I find it strange that I myself have experienced this (that simpsons episode where Homer eats the poisened fish explains it perfectly.) When I was told that I was getting canned the first thing I did was call my wife and then my parents. Then I dropped to my knees in the server room and poured my heart out. As with any Mormon family, everyone else would find out through the proper channels within an hour. I worried about money, of course, but then rememebered that I had a sizeable tax return on its way that would sustain us for at least 2 months. I worried and still worry about medical insurance, mostly for our 6 month old. So all this crap ate at me for a few days. Then I went through a denial period, where I thought, "They'll come to their senses and ask me back." My boss has a reputation for changing his mind quite often. Well, we had certain discussions that pretty much doomed that train of thought and then it was back to fear. The last two weeks I've been bouncing back and forth between anger and acceptance. Anger because, and I can't prove this, but I got a feeling that I wasn't the first choice and that someone may have screwed me over to save themself. May be total speculation on my part, and it probably is, but at the same time it's there in the back of my mind. Communication between the heads of the company and myself has pretty much stopped in the past 3 weeks and I feel less and less welcome by them. To top it off, only a handful of employees (not that there a lot to begin with) know I'm leaving. And I almost believe that the heads of the companay would have everyone believe that I quit. When people heard that I was "leaving" they seemed kinda surprised that I confirmed I was getting "laid off". Just really screwy. As for acceptance, I've alway tried to tell myslef that if the day comes I get laid off, it is for the best. And I mean that. If they need to lay me off then the company is doing so bad that it's time to jump ship. That's where I am right now. I look at all the opportunities, jobwise, and see bigger scope, more chances to learn and grow and I'm actually happy this has happened. Even if my boss came in right now and asked me to stay on, I would tell him no. There's no future here. The economy being as bad as it is was bad enough, but the captains running the ship don't know where we are headed and instead of throwing cargo over board, they are tossing crew. Fine by me. Right now is the best time for me and my family. It really couldn't have happened at a better time. I appreciate all that my boss has done for me, because he has taken really good care of me and my family, and I learned a lot while working here. But the way this is all coming to an end has left a sour taste in my mouth.

Here's to a better job and future.